Oh. My. Goodness.
Today was a test if I ever had one! Honestly, I didn’t even think that I would make it through the day. The babies have been borderline sick for a couple of days and last night Scarlet decided that sleep wasn’t going to happen for either of us. Autumn woke up in a wretched mood, coughing and sneezing and crying over everything! Then Gabbi complained she didn’t feel good and that she was exhausted, so I told her to go back to bed as well…it was 830am and I was already ready for this day to be over. I woke up not feeling the greatest myself and was completely wiped out from having no sleep the night before.
Once we got downstairs it only got worse…literally at one point all 3 of them were crying and I thought I would too! Thank goodness its Tuesday and Matt was home because I just don’t think I could have done it. The day progressed in such a blur and I was on autopilot, I can barely even remember the details. All I know is that when they finally went down for a nap (the three of them) at 1:30, I crawled into bed wishing that it was bedtime. I fell asleep and slept way longer than planned. The evening wasn’t any better and the new dinner recipe that we decided to try tonight was awful! It took forever to make, was a huge mess to clean up and tasted disgusting…..only Scarlet would eat it, everyone else was miserable. We ate plain rice and sweet potatoes while pouting…
I gathered them all up at 7pm and brought them upstairs. Cleaned up and in pajamas we began our nightly story time. As I looked at them, all snuggled up in their footies, finally not crying and listening intently to the words that I was reading, the frustration of the day began to dissipate. All I wanted to do at that moment was sit and snuggle these three little girls who call me mom, read them a story, shower them with kisses and tuck them into bed. No matter how frustrating they were, how miserable my day had been or how upset they can make me at times, I love these little girls with my whole being.
When I came downstairs after tucking them in, I began to think about another relationship that works much the same way, only in this relationship I am the rebellious and frustrating child. I act out at times, or choose not to listen. There are days when all I am doing is complaining about this thing, or that thing, or asking for things that I want but don’t really need. On days that are really trying, I cry out in exasperation, begging for my every desire to be met, every problem to be fixed. While it isn’t everyday that I act like this, it is far too often. In the course of my life as a Christian, I am sure that I have asked the Lord for more than I have thanked Him for. When I think about all of the blessings that He has given our family and my tendency to be in a constant state of discontentment, I am saddened to think about how my actions could have hurt Him. Yet, despite my actions, I have never once doubted the love of the Lord or His hand in our lives. Never once have I felt abandoned or forsaken by Him. In the times when I am sure that I least deserved His assistance and love, those are the times when He made himself known even more. If I was unresponsive to something he was trying to teach me or show me, he has always found another way. When I go to bed at night, I know that He loves me and that He holds the desires of my own heart close to His.
This is the kind of parent I want to be. As Christians, we strive daily to be more Christ like in everything that we do, and I am realizing more and more every day how very critical that is to being a mom! I can tell my kids day in and day out about who Jesus is, what He has done for them and how much He loves them. But in the end, I believe what is going to be most impactful on their lives is if they can feel Christ’s love for them through my love for them. Motherhood is a gift that the Lord has chosen to give to me, but the care and upbringing of these girls is also a ministry that he has entrusted me to be responsible for.
I am so thankful for these little beauties and for the gift that they are to me. I am also so thankful that, especially on days like today, that the Lord wants to help us in the upbringing of our children. I am thankful for a Lord that loves us so much, and loves our children more than we can fathom. I am so grateful for this life that I get to live, even on days like today.
I pray for more patience and understanding and to be open to the leading the of the Lord. I pray that as I navigate this road of parenting that my choices are always pleasing to Him.
I pray that every night when I tuck them in, no matter what our day looked like, that my children know how much I love them…..