I can’t believe that summer is almost over! We did a lot of things, we felt really busy and it just seemed to go by so fast! I just can’t believe that 2 whole months have gone by just like that…
But then I started thinking about the past few years over all, and they have seemed to go by just as fast as this summer has. Matt and I were talking about a few things that we had done in the past as a family, and couldn’t believe that we were talking about things that had gone on nearly three or four YEARS ago.
This got me really thinking, like about how I felt like I was pregnant FOREVER with Autumn and now she is a walking/talking 2.5 year old! That she is about to be the big sister to TWO younger sisters, that Gabbi is about to start SECOND grade and she is SEVEN and that Scarlet, who is supposed to still be a baby, suddenly woke up in the last few days a toddler that is starting to talk and constantly trying to keep up her big sisters….
I know, I know….I am pregnant and probably WAY over emotional, but being pregnant doesn’t make time go by faster than it does normally, and it is going by way too fast. And while I know I don’t MAKE time go by faster, I suddenly felt convicted that I wasn’t using these short years that I have with the girls to my greatest advantage. I know, that to some extent, I am making it feel like it is going faster….because I can’t seem to slow down.
Matt is always asking me why I feel the need to constantly be doing something, anything, and while I have not totally figured out why I do this, I have figured out, recently, that it isn’t necessary and that it is causing me to become totally stressed out, about time moving too fast and just about daily life in general. I am always trying to squeeze in a million things to our days, weeks, months and years (yes…I have some things planned out on our calendar MONTHS in advance…), I hate last minute schedule changes (they totally cause me anxiety), I LOATHE being late to anything and I seem to constantly be in a hurry. Hurrying to get everyone ready, to get out the door, to get the chores done, to feed everyone, to get through bedtime and then just like that on to the next day…..its becoming pretty exhausting.
The worst part of it is, is that I am realizing that in every moment I feel like I am only half there, and halfway into preparing for the next thing. So often its was causes me to lose my temper with the girls, because something they are doing unexpectedly is causing me to stress out, not necessarily over what we are doing right that moment, but for what we will be doing in the next. I don’t want to overschedule these growing up years so much that I miss out on enjoying them, and just being in the moment with my girls. I need to let go of some of the time control and just let us all be together, enjoying each other….
So, I am making a pledge to my girls that with the start of this school year we will slow down. We will take time this fall to just enjoy each other and await the arrival of the newest beauty to our group. It doesn’t mean we won’t go on outings, or be busy at all, but it means that I will change my attitude towards timing and scheduling. It means that I will let go of the reigns a *tiny* bit and let us just be.
Most importantly, it means that I will be present in each and every moment, and stop putting so much focus on the ones that aren’t even here yet. The days with these girls can seem so long when we are in them, but when we look back on them, the weeks and the years add up so quickly. I want to get the most valuable, quality time with my girls that I can…
So if I am a little bit late this season, I apologize in advance. And if you show up to my house and it’s a little messier than usual, just take it as a sign that I am busy enjoying the greatest parts of my life instead ….