Can you believe that Emerson will be 4 months old soon?? I can’t! She has been such a wonderful addition to our family and has become such a smiley, happy little girl! Due to all the crazy PPD/PPOCD/PPA that I have been experiencing (if you don’t know what I am talking about you can visit the posts here and here), I never got around to writing about Emerson’s crazy entrance in to this world. I know that I have continued to say that I would post it when I was ready, but going back to that day was a little hard for me over the past few months.
But now I am ready to share it with you all 🙂
The majority of you probably read my extremely dramatic post that I wrote on Emerson’s due date. If you didn’t, don’t worry. You didn’t miss out on much – just me lamenting about how she was taking FOREVER and would NEVER come out. Pregnancy emotions at their very best :).
That night, perhaps an hour or two after posting, I had some cramps and was generally uncomfortable. I called the doctor and she basically said “Its your 4th, you would know if you were in labor, just try to get some rest…” So I did just that, or at least I tried. I went to bed and had a normal night (kids waking up with nightmares, wanting milk, getting up every 20 min to pee…) until Matt’s alarm for work went off around 330am. After 5 minutes of deliberating we decided that being uncomfortable wasn’t a reason for him to stay home from work and so he left. About 30 minutes later, on one of my many trips to the bathroom, my water broke. I immediately started panicking because the pressure was so intense, but still no contractions. I called my mom, Matt’s mom and Matt. Matt rushed back home and my mom rushed over so that we could go to the hospital. I was still just uncomfortable, so we knew we had some time, but we didn’t want to risk anything….
When I got into the triage part of the hospital we informed them that we would be wanting an epidural this time around. At the time I couldn’t figure out why I was so anxious about this birth, I mean I was literally so scared. Looking back now I can recognize that I was already on the road to postpartum anxiety even before Emerson had arrived. I thought that an epidural would ease some of that anxiety. The nurse informed us that since it didn’t look like I was in transition and my contractions were irregular that we had time and could wait it out.
She was WRONG. They checked me a few minutes later and I was already 7.5 cm dilated. Things moved very quickly from there. We were transferred to our room, blood taken, IV started all within 15 minutes. The anesthesiologist came in to administer the epidural. While inserting the needle I had my first real contraction. I got through it sitting still so that he was able to administer the test dose. It was working so they decided they would check me before the actual epidural was put into place. Emerson decided she wasn’t going to wait. As soon as I laid back down on the bed the nurse said I could push if I wanted to. I had still only had one real contraction but I thought we would give it a try. 30 seconds later Emerson was lying on my chest, beautiful and crying. One push – that was it. We had only parked the car 40 minutes earlier.
To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was overjoyed but also overwhelmed. She was beautiful and I was so happy that she was here, but for the first time in my life I started to truly question my ability to be a mom. I was so in love with her, but so afraid that I couldn’t handle it all.
The time in the hospital was quick. We stayed for 24 hours, the girls came up to visit and then we bundled her up and brought her home. Here are some of the pics from the hospital…
Emerson was diagnosed with “failure to thrive” at around 2 months. She stopped gaining weight, would throw up what little food she would eat, couldn’t go to the bathroom on her own and was miserable most of the time. Already plagued with anxiety, I was a nervous wreck as we talked about all the possible things that could wrong with the doctor. We decided that we needed to enlist our church, as well as family to pray for her. We began to pray hard, specifically for weight gain, and for me it WAS hard. I was having a really hard time trusting the Lord because of everything that I have been going through. When we are walking through darkness and can’t see the purpose it is so easy for us to become quickly discouraged and to begin to question everything we thought we believed in so strongly. I was desperate for some sign from the Lord that He was in fact working in our family, despite the fact that I felt forsaken.
5 days after we had all begun praying for Emerson we had to take her back to the doctors unexpectedly. We (my husband and I) actually thought that he liver or gall bladder might be shutting down (do NOT google your child’s symptoms, especially if you are as anxiety prone as I am!!). So we took her in and found out that in 5 days she had gained 12oz!! She also had no ear infection anymore, and a few tests that they did came back normal! Then we had to bring her back again 4 days later and she gained another 11oz!!
Today she is thriving! She is gaining weight, eating a TON, barely spitting up and hitting all of her milestones!! We are SO thankful. Having her heal so quickly and so miraculously has given me a lot of strength and determination to get through all of my own issues as well. Knowing without a doubt that the Lord is truly working in our family has instilled in a me a new hope that I will get better in His timing.
Look at those chubby little cheeks!!
Anyways, I am so excited to be back to regular blogging and I am working on some new series coming up soon!! Stay tuned!!
And in case you are need of some extra cuteness: