Throughout this postpartum depression journey, I have had the wonderful experience of making incredible friends. These women have walked the same path as I have, and have been such a lifeline to me. If you would like to join one our online postpartum depression forums or groups, send me an email and I will gladly give you more information.
While a large number of these women share openly with us, and keep their journey private from others, a great number of women are choosing to speak up and speak out about their experiences.
Tonight, I have the honor of sharing some wonderful poetry sent to me by one of these incredible friends. I hope you enjoy getting a different look into the experience of another warrior mom.
“Why Do I Cry”
For me it feels like a lie
How are you they cry
I smile and say all is good
look at her in my arms
But at night I hold you in my arms and cry
I am crying because I lost
I am crying because I love you
I am crying because I am failing
I am crying because I am happy.
The feelings are all mixed up
The smile I have for you is real
The love I feel for you is true
yet I cry when I hold you
I love you so why do I cry?
Erin Ramirez 4/10/14
Stopping the invasion isn’t easy
Preventing the outcome is impossible
I can’t control how they come
I can’t stop it when they do
Landing on my knees I cry
Here I am take me now
Stop the invasion
Stop the intrusion
Protect the little girl
Save the boy
Wake them up tomorrow
Protect, Save, Surrender
Erin Ramirez 5/16/14
The author of these posts shared her struggle with me, and especially her struggle with intrusive thoughts.
For those of you who don’t know what they are, Intrusive thoughts (ITs) are defined by Wikipedia as unwelcome involuntary thoughts, images, or unpleasant ideas that may become obsessions, are upsetting or distressing, and can be difficult to manage or eliminate. These thoughts can be both paralyzing and debilitating and are incredibly frightening. ITs are a common part of postpartum mood disorders and are most commonly associated with OCD and psychosis. They were one of my own personal demons while on this journey.
Katherine Stone has written a wonderful article describing symptoms for these disorders, including postpartum OCD, here.
Thank you so much Erin for being so willing to be open to these readers!