Parenting has been exceptionally hard this week. In a world where all of us moms are supposed to look like we have it all together, I’m going to just come right out and admit that I don’t. I’m unsure of what route to take with disciplining them, they seem to be overwhelmingly determined to have things their way right now. And their way = yelling, chaos, a messy house and an exhausted mama.
If you have read even one of my posts, you know all to well that the Lord has blessed me with EXTREMELY strong willed children. They are beautiful, smart, funny and caring, but when they have their mind set on something they tend to choose pushing me to the brink of insanity instead of listening to me. From breakfast to bedtime they have a million ideas on how their day should go, and most of the time it is the exact opposite of what I have planned.
And the battle has worn me down this week. I have gone to bed each night exhausted and unsure of what to do the next day, and I have spent a lot of the day choosing what to fight against and what to just allow in order to save myself the aggravation. I don’t handle stress as well as I thought that I used to since being diagnosed with PPD, and sometimes it is just easier to give them popcorn for breakfast than it is to start the day with my anxiety being sky high.
I know that no one ever said that parenting would be easy, but no one ever told me that training up children would make me question what I am capable of every single day. No one ever said that on some days it wouldn’t even take until naptime to make me feel like crawling into my bedroom, hiding under the covers and just letting them terrorize the house without interference – since they were already doing it anyways.
Today started out as one of those days. The girls were already miserable when they got up this morning. One at 4:30, one at 5:45, one at 6:15, and the last at 7:00. By 8am I was ready to start the day over. Fighting, arguing, refusing to wear clothes and diapers, not eating what was given to them, making messes in every corner of every room. I tried to turn things around, convinced the toddlers that they could help me clean “their house” as part of the game and thought I had resolved the issues and gotten everything under control by ten when they decided to watch a movie and have popcorn – something that normally keeps them quiet and contained for at least an hour.
But, not today. For some reason, every time I am on the phone AT ALL, chaos ensues. “Mom’s on the phone, quick!! What is the thing that we can do that might make her the most upset!!?”
“Let’s crack open ALL of the eggs as fast as we can…in a bowl, on the counter, in the garbage and on the floor!!”
20 minutes on the phone resulted in me cleaning up one pretty big mess in the kitchen. Followed by nap refusal, crying about having to leave the house and taking FOREVER to get in and out of the car to pick their sister up from school.
Today was one of “those” days – the kind where you just want to run away.
But I didn’t.
I cleaned the mess, I forced on the coats and shoes, I got to the school on time, I made dinner, I got the pajamas on and sang the bedtime songs.
and then, in one second, I was reminded why I was going to get up and do it all over again tomorrow without question.
Because one sleepy little voice whispered one little sentence that made all the trials of the day and all the battles of the week worth it.
“You’re my favorite Mommy and I love you too much.”