Its ironic how I had a whole entire post planned for today on how we were tackling the sass problem in our house. With 4 girls attitudes can escalade quickly, but with a new plan in place yesterday went amazing!
And then today happened.
I am not sure why, but each of the girls woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. You know, the one where they are angry at the world and I am the scapegoat? That one.
I don’t know what in the world a two and a three year old could have to be upset about, but they were determined to make sure that Mom wasn’t going to get her way today. Emerson didn’t want to nap when she normally does, eat when she normally does or play when she normally does.
And Gabbi? Well 8 year olds can have it out for you in the best way. And by best I mean worst.
Each girl had me in tears before lunch and it isn’t even that time of the month. I spent most of the day alternating between blubbering mess and angry sailor (complete with the vocabulary and everything…).
With each incident of disobedience, each argument, time out, unfinished chore, demand and crying episode my resolve began to plummet, along with my self worth and my anxiety began to rise.
Today was going to be over and I was going to have nothing to show for it. No completed chore or project, no preschool lesson taught, or milestone achieved, no new clothes on anyone – not even me and I was going to have to go to bed realizing that I had failed.
Why does this happen so often? Maybe if I had some other job, calling, title then my days would go smoother. Why did this job choose me? Why did I choose to be a mom??? Why did I choose to be JUST a mom??
See, I have this problem. I am Mom so much that I forget sometimes that I am ANYTHING else. I can’t separate Meaghan from Mom, and because of that I can’t separate a bad day from a bad me.
The pressure, responsibility, busyness, and work that comes with raising these little girls is more than I bargained for at times. But, I have to remember that while I am a key part of the plan for their life, they are a key part of mine. God created ME. Meaghan. He has a plan, purpose, desire and path for ME.
Being a mom is PART of this plan. Yes, I am raising these amazing little souls. Yes, I love it 99.99999% of the time and it makes up more of who I am than I ever thought possible….
But when it begins to define me more than being a daughter of Christ, that is when is ceases being part of my calling and begins becoming part of my value.
God never intended for our value to be defined by what we do or don’t do, by whether we succeed or fail, are happy or depressed, are multitaskers or focused, fat, thin, tall, short, or anything in between. He created us to be who He sees us as, to fulfill his purpose, to receive his love and to love him in return.
When we define ourselves by His grace, we can never come up short.
So on the days like today when I don’t want to be a mom. When I want to throw in the towel, crawl back in bed, hide under the covers and wait until tomorrow, I have to remind myself to only define myself by what really matters.
Even when my kids don’t like me, I am created by a king who loves and adores me every second of every day and the only thing that he desires from me is that I love him back.