It has been awhile since I have written anything….
I am so grateful to have received emails and messages from readers asking me when I was going to be back. Well…
I apologize for taking such a long hiatus. The truth is that this blog began to permeate all different aspects of my life. At first it was wonderful, but as it began to affect my emotions and my actions throughout the day it became clear that I needed to take a break.
You see, I am horrible at setting boundaries. I am a people pleaser by nature, and have used the way that others view me as a means of defining myself far to often. I LOVE connecting with my readers, but I had a truly difficult time separating a few reader’s negative comments from how I see myself. Writing on this blog has always been a means of journaling for me. Documenting my real life mistakes, triumphs, growths and set backs is therapeutic to me. To my delight, God has used my “journaling” to speak into the lives of other moms and that has made writing all the more worthwhile to me….
but then suddenly a post I wrote a few months ago (you can read it here…) went viral. At first I was ecstatic! I couldn’t believe what I was writing was resonating with so many mamas! But then came the influx of negative comments, messages and remarks. I was appalled at the names I was called, the feedback I was given and at the number of women it was coming from. They attacked not only my writing, but who I am at the core – my relationship with Jesus and my ability to parent. I had to step back. I shut down. For all the good I felt I was doing, at the time I just couldn’t handle the negativity.
I have spent the last few months trying to figure out why the “bullying” got to me so deeply. Is it because I wasn’t expecting it? Was I overreacting?
Or was it because, maybe, just maybe, I have been holding too highly what others think of me? Was I seeking the approval of strangers over the approval of myself, or worse – over the approval of the only One who truly matters?
I’m reading this book (that I literally cannot wait to review for all of you) that has brought to my attention something that has completely shifted my entire world. Maybe it will shift yours too, especially if you are a self proclaimed control freak like me…
We can control our actions, but we can’t, no matter how hard we try, control the outcome…
and more than that?
We weren’t designed to.
My excitement over a post going viral and reaching so many people has really brought to my attention this desire inside of me to be bigger than I was made to be. I get overwhelmed with the problems in our broken world and somehow, some way, I just want to be able to fix everything….
But I can’t. And neither can you.
As moms, we so desperately want to make the world a better place for our children to grow up in. We want to protect them from everything that is wrong, fix everything that could hurt them and shield them from the parts we don’t ever want them to see.
But what we can do is have faith that God is working everything together for good. We can have faith that the little we can do can contribute to the bigger picture. We can have hope in the God for whom nothing is impossible…
We can embrace our smallness and focus on the world thats evolving right in front of us. We can rejoice in the fact that we don’t have to carry everything alone, and that we don’t have to be responsible for more than God has placed in our lives.
So what do we focus on?
Our home, our family, our children, our community, and whatever mission field God has placed on your heart. We can let go of the rest and be reassured that to each problem God has called the right people.
We can put in our best effort in our most worthy areas of life and then we can let go of worry and let God decide the outcome.
We are called to plant the seeds, not to make the garden grow.
Being small isn’t a problem to overcome, its a gift that God has given us. We don’t have to take on more than our share, because the God who created the Universe has control of the rest.
So embrace your smallness Mamas. Focus on the world in front of you. Say yes to those callings and desires that come from God. Slow down and enjoy the time with your children. Plant seeds and wait for the harvest.
Define yourself by your efforts and not your outcomes.
I look forward to connecting with my readers again. I can’t wait to join in on the conversations again with you that have helped me to grow so much!
And if you are looking for an awesome read check out Simply Tuesdays by Emily Freeman. I promise that you will not be disappointed…
“To sit on a bench means to keep company with one young girl before a glorious angel, sent by God to invite her into the greatest mystery of all time. You will bear a child and call his name Immanuel. And her one small yes became the holy gateway from heaven to earth. Our part is not ushering heaven to earth. Our part is one small yes…..Heaven is already here. With our work, we get to build benches that line the roads of the kingdom of God. But we don’t get to say how many will sit on them.”
-Emily Freeman, Simply Tuesdays